Never have I ever...

Been able to watch so much television, constantly having something to watch somewhere. May it be some show about interventions. A show about hoarders. Old shows like That 70s Show or Who's Line is it Anyway. Or movies like the Notebook. Zap around on these 70 channels and you're bound to find something. But what do you find most? Well, that's what this is all about...

This is the countdown to the most commonly found show or channel. And be assured, I am not kidding: 

10) Tons and tons of old shows, as in like 5 episodes of the same 90's or 80's show in a row:

 As in, I'm currently watching That 70s Show on the same channel for the third hour in a row. Sometimes, like right now, it's awesome. Other times it's like you're being forced to flip through the same boring show for what seems like forever. But it's also great on Monday evening when they have something called Animation Domination! Which is 3 hours of Family guy after two hours of Simpsons. Fantastic. 

9) Attacks on other companies:

The typical ones- "No wonder State farm is better than Geico and Progressive combined". "[insert name] thinks he's running against President Obama. When in fact he's running against me. What's with his bull!" The Coke and Pepsi battle. The one person vs other battle. The company vs company battle. Everything, and they're not afraid of calling people out on it. 

8) Shows on legal advice:

"Did you take [insert drug name] in 1991 and now you have [insert horrible disfiguring disease]? Contact us immediately to address this issue." Basically what they are saying is that if you got sick from this drug or whatever, they are specialized at suing the company and want you to act on your sickness. It's good to hear people still want to do something against the injustice of a harming drug. But do you know how many there are that I see every day? There are at least 3 every hour on almost any channel. It shocked me because about 7 times an hour there's a commercial on another drug of some shady company that they want you to use. Obviously not the same company, but it's just funny in a way...

7) Reality shows:

OMG, everywhere. I mean, they're everywhere. Jersey Shore is the devil! I don't understand what it is about being orange, a slut, and criticized by the entire world to their face that is appealing to people. I don't understand what people think is so appealing about being made fun of. I mean, the people going on shows like these know they will be made fun of. They know that being on a show where they do what they always do means what they normally do is something people will be outraged about and think is a joke. It's not a good thing thing, I have to say. 

6) News:

This is good I think. Out of the 70 channels we have about 10 are purely news channels. Then there's about 10 others that have news on every hour or every two hours. They take their news very seriously. But there's so much news! And, but this is good too, there are channels that have scrolling news at the bottom as soon as something happens. The other day I was watching a show when suddenly some deep beeping came from the TV between the voices of the characters. There was a thing scrolling at the bottom about a girl that disappeared from a playground after school. It's great to know that this news gets around so quickly. She disappeared just ten minutes earlier. If not less.

5) Soap operas:

Bad acting. Simply pretty people. No way that these shows can be serious or award winning. Sometimes I watch these shows for a couple of seconds and wonder why the people didn't just decide to be strippers instead. That's all I have to say.

4) Commercials:

About every 5 minutes and for about five minutes. So when you flip around the channels all you really see is commercials and maybe if you were lucky then you can see a flicker of the show that's on. Good luck with that though. 

3) Infomercials:

Again, there are entire channels devoted to this, 24/7. "These scarves are so versatile. You can tie them around your neck, you can tie them around your waist as a belt. You can also wear them on your head to keep all your hair in place." That's something I couldn't think of myself when I was like 5 years old. "And now there's only 900 left! So you better hurry! Less than 100 of the purple ones. Less than 200 of the black ones with grey and silver. Less than 200 of this beautiful blue with teal and what a wonderful shade this teal is. And this beautiful green one." No one wanted the green one apparently. 

2) Super random documentaries:

Intervention. Say yes to the dress. I didn't know I was pregnant. Ok, so not all of them are documentaries. But some of them have similar shows that are. It's so interesting switching on the documentary channel, or discovery, or hisroty and see a show about the venom of snakes. About some drug addict tricked into documentary. About people in prison trying to reconnect to their families. About anything. So interesting, but I have to say, sometimes it's so random and surprising I think that it's not a real show. And some of the commercials for the shows are probably the best part.

1) Talk shows:

All over the place! Like, constantly. omGGGGG Jerry Springer is so annoying! He ruins my night every night after Family Guy when suddenly his stupid white noise comes up with the warning of adult material. Yeah, people flashing and beating each other. Hookers fighting over some abusive pimp. People in the crowd acting like bitches and prostitutes. I don't understand them. There's just no way I can ever understand what convinces these people to do such things.

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My productive day

Today was a day that others may consider a long night. Basically all I did was get up in the morning. Go to two 50 minute classes, come home, have a little lunch, take a three hour nap. And now I'm off to the gym to a cooking class they offer. After that I'm going to consider actually working out, and then I'll come home and go back to bed. But I did watch Funniest Home videos. I woke up, while sleeping in front of the TV, as soon as it started. And it's on for four hours every Wednesday at 6. Channel 50, I love you.

Minotaur in the Labyrinth

The library. It can work miracles and it can get you frustrated. The library here? Well, most likely, it will get you lost. With no way of simply walking around to find the section, there is an index of book numbers according to topic which you need to decipher before heading to a floor, then a section, then a row, and then an area. So guess what happened the first time I went to look for a book.

I got lost in one of the deepest little lairs of the library. First you go to the second floor of the main building. Then you discover the elevator that you need to take to another place all together, what they call annexes. If I only knew that on the first run. Luckily I was with a friend and the whole experience was a little less haunted house, monster in the abandoned library. We took the elevator down 4 floors, yes underground. I know, underground? What? Yeah, I guess you can  make a library creepier. So then the hunt begins. At least we had a number to look for because I was, for once, smart enough to think ahead. We walked around, checked the aisles etc. The usual library stuff. Then finally found it, we needed now to find the book. It's harder than you think, to some extent the books are sorted numerically and alphabetically. But at one point it all just stops. Screw that. 

Now I have about 30 books in my room so I don't have to go back this semester. At least I hope not. It's freaky there. Other than that. The library is about the size of the entire Madrid campus. Also, it has more floors, and I'm pretty sure there are some more annexes I don't know of yet. I feel like there should be a war bunker there or something. Or maybe a secret tunnel that leads to the arch.

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The ideas that drive us

What is it with cars here. I know I talked about this before, but I have another bone to pick. There are some really nice cars and then there are some cars... let's just say... they're rather unfortunate. Some people don't seem to worry about their cars. If it were my car

I wouldn't leave it with it's windows open when it's pouring water outside. it would disturb me to see a puddle building at the gas peddle and every time you step on it there's a little squish sound. but it seems that other people don't care much. If it were my car

I wouldn't leave it parked so close to other cars that no matter how hard their drivers try and how well they can drive it's close to impossible to get out of the spot without somehow either scratching or hitting your car. It would hurt my soul to know I didn't give a rat's behind to park in a spot maybe en feet further away in order to get my car out of harm's way. If it were my car

I wouldn't drive like a maniac actually 'forgetting' to see where the stop signs are and if there's a light at the side of the road or in the middle. I wouldn't oversee the little things out there that indicate what you're supposed to do. I wouldn't speed like mad because I can't concentrate enough to keep the situation under control. I wouldn't start blabbering to people about how useless GPS is and then get lost in town somewhere in what I can say is a relatively sketch area and then claim we're there. Uh, no we're not. We're no where close. You're lost. If it were my car

I wouldn't leave my car unlocked. I know lot's of people do this for good reasons I guess. you have had practice in this. But I don't know how comfortable I feel with leaving my car so bare and harmless and exposing it to the world like that. Anyone with a crazy mind could take advantage of it and do what they will to my poor little car. And I know my car would be little because I don't know how to parallel park yet and there's no way I would be able to get to town then and park somewhere if I can't parallel park...

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Dear Rain,

Sometimes I think you do what you do on purpose. You rain when I'm wearing white. You rain when I want to wear open toed shoes. You rain when I don't own an umbrella. But most of all, you rain when I have to walk around outside a lot, A Lot. So I really don't appreciate your appearance lately. It's cold, the sun is gone, I have close to no work to do immediately. Yet still I'm stuck at home because of you. You, dear rain, are destroying my health. That's right, I'm blaming not going to the gym regularly on you. 

The image, yeah, that's basically me, except I don't have an umbrella. So, imagine how uncomfortable it is sitting in class, all humid and such, with aircon blasting. Yeah, not so comfortable... But other than that, dear rain, you have done no harm so far. Let's just hope you stop in ten minutes so i can run to the gym. Then, later when I'm in bed, be my guest and gush all over.

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Last time, on "America"...

As I promised, the follow up of the last American blog is here. I call is, the New World Blog. Anyway, the topic of today: What I thought was not the "real America" turns out to be the "real America". It's like driving across a set for something like Nightmare on Elm Street, One Tree Hill, or something. You know, the real American experience. So, here's some proof. 

Houses with driveways with enough space for about five cars. No wonder movies show people playing basketball, racing bikes, playing with the hoses, etc., in the driveways. An average driveway here is about the size of my old apartment in Spain. The houses look like they were freshly painted. The lawns perfectly mowed. The flowers taken care of. Sometimes you'll see a man cleaning his nice car on the driveway. Sometime you'll see a woman tending to the bushes or cleaning the stairs to the house. And almost every house has an American flag flowing in the wind next to the house. 

Cars, they're like the prize possessions of the citizens of the US. They have them for years, sometimes far beyond their due dates. Some cars look like they crashed into several trees yet they're still on the road and driving. Other cars are so nice. I mean, like, super nice. They have custom licence plates. Custom wheel covers. Custom everything. The one above was one of those exemplars. They really love dogs. 

The mailboxes. Yes, I have found the ultimate American Mailbox. I was really surprised to see these actually existed. I mean, I guess I should have expected it, but they really have these kinds of mailboxes with the little red handle and stuff. But how cool is it that there is a mailbox out in the driveway and the mail man can just walk by and throw in the mail. So, you're telling me they don't even need to get out of the car. That's right, not even get out of the car. 

Row bonus!

White picket fence bonus!

One of the ultimate American houses!

This is exactly how I imagined an American house to look like. Exhibit one: the several storey house with a beautiful façade. Exhibit two: the awesome Roman design. Exhibit three: the big brown entrance door. Exhibit four: the nicely trimmed lawn and perfect symmetry. Exhibit five: the American Flag. Big time bonus.

Love it.

You're so right

If you have about ten minutes time to feel like someone finally agrees with something you say, or be outraged, watch this movie about our world:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2hBcIZ/www.slick.com/dmd/dancemonkeysdance.htm

I assure you, it's great.